I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
