I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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