tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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