I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
