Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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