It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm too high and old for this...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
