You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
