i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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