that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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