Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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