Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Im part way to drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
