you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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