as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
