so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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