dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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