So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
