she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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