her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
