booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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