loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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