I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
