I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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