She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
