I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
