I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
