don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm at about main and main street
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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