Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
