Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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