it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
