Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
