Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
