Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
