Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
