Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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