I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
