i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
