I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
