she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
