I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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