I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
