hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
