I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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