Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
