My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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