the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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