I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
