FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
