Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
