I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Welp...herpes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
