So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
