I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
