why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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