there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
