so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
