is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
