I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
