remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
