Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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