Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
