just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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